| Yeah! We all know them. Those disgusting people | | | | may regularly feel this way at work, where you |
| who can walk into any situation and seem to fit | | | | are among peers, it may be quite different at a |
| right into the conversation. They seem to feel at | | | | party or on a date where your counterpart may |
| home with any crowd, and they can turn a bunch | | | | be from some other field or social group. Keeping |
| of strangers into friends in moments. In fact, they | | | | up with the basics on current events in the fields |
| can do it in the time it takes you and me to | | | | of politics, economics, sports, science, health, and |
| munch a couple of dainty sandwiches, drink a | | | | entertainment gives you toeholds on which to |
| glass of punch, and fade into the wall paper. | | | | stand above the crowd in many conversational |
| I guess it's one of those things you are either | | | | venues. |
| born with, or brought up to do. | | | | It also helps to keep up with popular books and |
| Or is it? | | | | movies of the moment. Even if you can only get |
| Like many things in life, being able to feel | | | | around to actually reading or seeing one, and that |
| comfortable among strangers, make conversation | | | | one is NOT the one under discussion, you will at |
| on topics you know little about, and come out on | | | | least have some concept of what many other |
| the other end with new friends or business | | | | popular books (or movies, or TV shows) of the |
| contacts is a skill that can be learned. While being | | | | moment are about, and you will possibly be able |
| born with certain genes or having been raised a | | | | to ask rational questions which gives those who |
| certain way can surely help, you can learn how to | | | | ARE familiar with the subject the opportunity to |
| get around those presumed limitations, and might | | | | shine. |
| even wind up being better at carrying it off than | | | | 8. Prepare yourself. While education as mentioned |
| those who seem to have a head start on you. | | | | above is a daily process, and might not have |
| While entire courses and training programs could | | | | much depth, preparation can go much deeper. |
| be committed to turning the most insipid | | | | There are two ways that this can turn you into a |
| wallflower into a blossoming conversationalist and | | | | conversational powerhouse. |
| bon vivant, here are a few tips to help you | | | | ** Become an expert on a particular subject or |
| ratchet up your "gift" of gab to a point where | | | | area. It could be a hobby, or you could just find |
| you too can join the crowd in the corner and | | | | something that interests you and might be of |
| discourse wittily on the subject at hand...usually. | | | | interest to others. For example, if you were an |
| 1. Start with who you are. Don't ever fake it. If | | | | expert on precious stones, politics, antique coins, |
| you're a gardener and the topic is rocket science, | | | | rare books, health, or physical fitness, there will be |
| listen and learn. When the garden crowd drifts | | | | opportunities for you to discourse learnedly on |
| over, there's YOUR chance to shine. You are | | | | your subject. If it is a subject that you feel |
| simply not going to be the center of attention, or | | | | deeply about, the depth of your feelings will often |
| even a small fountain of wit and wisdom in every | | | | mold your presentation and manner of speech in |
| conversation. | | | | such a way as to leave an impression on your |
| 2. Listen and learn. Since we mentioned it above, | | | | listeners. |
| let's explore this a little. First of all, you can often | | | | ** Cram before the event if possible. If you are |
| seem wiser than you are by keeping your mouth | | | | going to be among investors, learn some investing |
| shut. While it's shut, listen to that rocket scientist. | | | | terminology. If as you read you have questions |
| Maybe the dry, technical details are over your | | | | that the books or tapes don't seem to answer, |
| head, but he may say something that makes | | | | save those. You may have a chance to ask a |
| sense to you and you can use the info in a | | | | genuine (or assumed) expert. |
| conversation later. He may whet your interest in | | | | 9. Encourage others to speak. If Jane is |
| the topic, and what better source of reference | | | | commenting on a subject and seems to reach an |
| than to ask the learned speaker what his, or her, | | | | end, encourage her to go on. You can simply say, |
| advice would be on how to learn more. | | | | "tell me more", or you can ask a question as |
| 3. Be patient. We have already established that | | | | mentioned above. If Jane is standing in the crowd |
| you don't want to jump in over your head and | | | | and you know she is itching to say something, |
| that you may benefit from the discourse anyway. | | | | ask something like, "Jane! Didn't I hear you talking |
| However, no matter how elevated the topic, any | | | | about that earlier?" Of course, if you have no idea |
| conversation may often drift to other, more | | | | what Jane is thinking, shut up and leave her in |
| mundane topics, particularly if there are others, | | | | peace. |
| like yourself, who are in the dark on some highly | | | | 10. Follow up. If the people are of interest to you, |
| technical issue. | | | | or you want to learn more about the subjects |
| 4. Be curious. As mentioned above, asking a | | | | discussed, get names and numbers, ask for |
| pertinent question or even professing to ignorance | | | | business cards, and carry some of your own. Call |
| in hope of enlightenment will generate sparks of | | | | them up later to tell them how much you |
| familiarity with the speakers. More than once, I | | | | enjoyed the conversation, invite them to meet |
| have watched several experts practically | | | | you for a lunch or cup of coffee, or send them a |
| compete with one another in their attempts to | | | | small gift that in some way relates to the |
| simplify and communicate a difficult subject to | | | | experience. |
| someone who seemed genuinely interested. | | | | A few months ago, I attended a presentation |
| Anyway, people like to have their egos stroked, | | | | given by a local newspaper editorialist. In the |
| and giving them an opportunity to demonstrate | | | | process of his presentation, I realized that many |
| their command of the subject, or asking them for | | | | of his points were similar to, though not the same |
| their opinion can really get the juices flowing. In | | | | as, some points made in a book that I had |
| the middle of all this, you learn more, create new | | | | enjoyed. I chatted with him after the presentation |
| friendships, and grow more comfortable within the | | | | for just a couple of minutes, but managed to ask |
| group. | | | | him if he had ever read the book. He admitted |
| 5. Admit mistakes and ignorance, take blame, | | | | that he had not but seemed interested in it, even |
| laugh at yourself. One of the easiest ways to put | | | | taking a moment to get a business card and write |
| others at ease is to admit your own ignorance. | | | | down the title of the book and the name of the |
| When you begin a statement or question by | | | | author. Later, checking on Amazon, I realized that |
| letting the others know that you might not know | | | | I could get a copy sent to him for a few dollars |
| what you are talking about, they feel less | | | | and did so. A few days later, he contacted me, |
| "threatened" if that is a good word. It is a tension | | | | thanking me for the book. He and I have |
| breaker in all directions when someone owns up | | | | communicated occasionally since then, and he has |
| to ignorance or error. Most people feel inclined to | | | | offered me encouragement and advice on my |
| forgive those who can own up to their errors or | | | | writing, and has even suggested I join a |
| lack of knowledge. They will also feel more | | | | professional organization I had not even known |
| comfortable if you can laugh at yourself. | | | | existed. |
| 6. Have a sense of humor. While many subjects | | | | One of the most important investments you can |
| are serious and do not allow a lot of leeway for | | | | make in any "growth stock" is in the quantity and |
| humor, most people in a conversation are | | | | quality of your personal and business contacts |
| generally open to humor as long as it is not | | | | AND your friends. Life is much easier for those |
| mocking or of the keystone cops variety. Of | | | | who have invested wisely and widely in these. |
| course, if the group is just cutting up, then cut up | | | | With a good list of friends and professional |
| with them. | | | | contacts, the next job is easier to find, the |
| 7. Educate yourself. The essence of feeling | | | | solution to the next problem is in your address |
| comfortable in a group is knowing that you are as | | | | book, the right contact is a phone call away, and |
| knowledgeable as anybody else there. While you | | | | life is a pleasant passage indeed. |