| If you are someone wishing you could find new | | | | lasting friendships, genuine friendship is often |
| friends, I have some good news for you, even | | | | better based on shared interests and activities. |
| though the fact that you are reading this means | | | | Getting smashed regularly might not be the best |
| that you might not agree with me. | | | | way to search for someone you can trust and |
| There are millions of people who would really love | | | | rely on...no matter how much fun they are at the |
| to be your friend! | | | | moment. If you are religious, go to church |
| I am assuming that when I use the term "friend", | | | | regularly. If you are athletic, join an exercise |
| we both understand that a wide range of | | | | group or sign up for a gym membership. If you |
| relationships may be encompassed. You may find | | | | are a stamp collector, join a stamp collecting club. |
| a thousand acquaintances, five hundred close | | | | Even if you do not find someone within that |
| acquaintances, one hundred friends, ten close | | | | group who really excites you, those people of |
| friends and one love of your life. Or, you may find | | | | similar tastes and life views may have friends |
| twenty acquaintances, fifteen close acquaintances, | | | | who would love to have you as a new friend. The |
| five friends, no close friends and no love of your | | | | key here is to circulate, but circulate within |
| life. The results will depend on time, the pool of | | | | spheres where you are likely to find people with |
| contacts you are diving into, your particular goals, | | | | similar (not necessarily the exact same) interests |
| luck, and other factors often, at least | | | | and attitudes. |
| momentarily, beyond your control...such as time | | | | Somebody has to take the first step. |
| and place. | | | | If you meet someone that you would like to be |
| Many people who are seeking friends actually limit | | | | friends with, that should mean that this potential |
| their opportunities to come in contact with these | | | | relationship is valuable enough for you to invest a |
| people and join with them in friendship because | | | | little personal effort. That person may be sitting |
| they are not following one or more of the | | | | at home wondering why YOU don't call! When I |
| following tips. | | | | attended my 20th high school reunion, I learned of |
| 1. Go where your new friends are to be found. | | | | two girls who had once had crushes on me while I |
| 2. To find a friend, be a friend. | | | | had sat at home never contacting them or |
| 3. Friends keep in touch and show they care. | | | | anyone else because I was sure that they didn't |
| As you read the above, you will notice one | | | | like me! |
| common thread. All of those statements imply | | | | Okay, so your feelings get hurt, or you find |
| action or effort of some sort. How many of us in | | | | yourself with a friend that you wish you had |
| high school had the "friend" who never seemed to | | | | never hooked up with. Well, there's not much I |
| have many friends and often complained | | | | can tell you except that is a normal part of life |
| that..."nobody likes me"? Thinking back from a | | | | and is likely to occur whether you are actively |
| slightly more mature viewpoint, how many times | | | | seeking friends or not. However, no matter how |
| do we realize how often that particular person | | | | much it may hurt or upset you at the moment, it |
| never went anywhere, never did anything to be a | | | | definitely does NOT define your worth or value, |
| part of the group, and often stood on the | | | | and it will fade in time unless you choose to keep |
| sidelines taking potshots at those who were | | | | it up front with genuinely important things. |
| having a good time with their friends? | | | | Take the first step. It doesn't have to be a |
| I know that I personally fit into that category. I | | | | declaration of undying friendship or a date. Include |
| was in the U. S. Army before I realized that I | | | | the person in an activity that you think they |
| wasn't "popular" in high school because I fit | | | | might be interested in. Sometimes just the |
| precisely into that category. I can see now how | | | | invitation is enough. Call or send a card on their |
| many times people tried to include me in their | | | | birthday. Yes, make the effort to learn their |
| activities and circles as I wandered in and out of | | | | birthday. If you are in a used book store, just go |
| these events and passing relationships trying hard | | | | whole hog and spend the $2.99 to pick up a used |
| to show everybody that I was just fine without | | | | copy of the book they said they wanted to read. |
| them! | | | | Even if they have bought the book new in the |
| However, this sort of behavior is not limited just | | | | meantime, the thought will be important to them. |
| to high school. Sadly, I saw my father follow this | | | | If not, they probably are not someone you would |
| same path throughout most of his working life | | | | want for a friend anyway. |
| and into retirement (although he WAS careful not | | | | Do not let true friends "fall by the wayside". |
| to mock other peoples' beliefs)...where he died | | | | "No man is an Island", said John Donne. When we |
| several years before he should have in a state of | | | | let friends drift away, we are allowing a part of |
| self-imposed isolation with the belief that nobody | | | | our "island" of self to erode. True, not every |
| liked him or cared if he lived or died. | | | | friend or acquaintance is going to maintain the |
| Who needs friends? | | | | same level of importance in our lives as we and |
| Over the years, several studies have shown a | | | | they change, move, ripen, or sour. However, it |
| strong correlation between one's length of life and | | | | doesn't hurt to drop a line, an email, or to make a |
| level of health, and the structure of their social | | | | quick phone call just to keep in touch. Their |
| network, i.e. the friends and acquaintances with | | | | friendship was valuable to us at one time and will |
| whom they remain actively linked. In fact, sites | | | | probably retain a value throughout our lives, You |
| such as Dr. Thomas Perls' "Life Expectancy | | | | never know when the guy you used to go on |
| Calculator" ( are including questions about the size | | | | business trips with turns out to be the one who |
| and strength of an individual's personal network of | | | | shows up to help you through a particularly |
| family and acquaintances as part of the process | | | | difficult period in your life. |
| they use to estimate life expectancy. | | | | I don't know about you, but simply from a selfish |
| Okay, so where are your friends to be found? | | | | point of view, better health and a longer, more |
| Well, that is one to answer for yourself. Many | | | | enjoyable life are good enough reasons for me to |
| people try to find "friends" in bars. However, while | | | | go out and make some new friends or renew old |
| chance encounters in alcoholically fueled | | | | friendships. |
| environments certainly accounts for some true | | | | |